The Tonic of Wilderness

"We need the tonic of wildness...At the same time that we are earnest to explore and learn all things, we require that all things be mysterious and unexplorable, that land and sea be indefinitely wild, unsurveyed and unfathomed by us because unfathomable. We can never have enough of nature.”― Henry David Thoreau, Walden: Or, Life in the Woods

Some mornings you wake up with heavy eyelids and a heavy heart to coincide. This morning was one such morning for me, and on mornings such as these I draw back from public interaction. Now I'm a digital marketer and more specifically a community manager, so there is no such thing as a true retreat. My coworkers may not have seen my face until the afternoon, but they've seen my IMs and my emails since the wee hours.

The world always beckons.

I fall asleep late at night to an empty queue, having responded, interacted, engaged all I can for the day. I awake to dozens of notifications and conversations I've missed while asleep - even for the short few hours I get each night. I wake up behind on the day, each and every day.

But I do not mind this. I am custom built for this. I will see it all, I will engage with it all. I will be everywhere I can, as often as I can be there. I will be "always on". I will stretch myself thin. It's something I'm good at, it's something upon which I thrive.

But sometimes I need wilderness.

I need sanctuary. I need something untouched by the infinite connectivity of the digital world. Now, fortunately I live in a beautiful place in Boulder, Colorado - a place that has actual wilderness a stone's throw away. I took a brisk walk this morning and found myself staring at what is still unfathomable beauty of the Flatirons - just out my back door.

But it's not simply a hike or a day backcountry skiing that I'm in search of. It's not a physical wilderness. It's something inside me, something unsurveyed and unfathomed to this point.

I don't know what my wilderness is yet, but I'm setting out to explore.