This morning I woke up to a migraine. This isn't the first time in my life that's happened. No, migraines, restlessness and insomnia have been recurring themes in my life since I was a wee child. I think I began suffering regular migraines sometime around 10 or 12 years old.
I've had the tests, done the diet studies, tried the pills, and for the most part everything has just been "well, maybe it's this..." Now I just try to live as healthy as possible and stay away from as many "triggers" as possible, until one day they pull part of my brain out of my head like Randle Patrick McMurphy.
In all honesty, I don't mind getting these issues. I mean, sure, having a brain that feels like pancake batter isn't great, but they're not as bad as they used to be, and I'm used to it by now. In fact, I've learned to turn the weird thoughts/dreams/hallucinations I get during my migraines into some creative endeavors. I often feel most inspired during and shortly after my brain being beaten to mush by nature.
Back when I used to make films I came up with stuff like this:
Okay, so it's usually weird stuff, but it's been a prolific amount of weird stuff. Much of what's contained in this secret notebook was inspired by migraines or sleeplessness.
I wonder why.
I like to think it has something to do with pain inspiring art on a wider scale. To me, some of the most influential, beautiful art (paintings, theater, film, music, etc) has come from some of the deepest pain and tragedy. I'm a huge fan of Russian art and much of it has come during periods of deep oppression and deep depression.
Whatever it is about the tough times that inspire creativity I'm drawn to it. I've written recently about being okay with pain, as it's a part of the human existence and we need to know what it feels like so we can learn how to move past it. I also believe we need to embrace pain so we can learn to channel it into something more productive.
Maybe that's what I'm doing without really trying. While there are some patterns and determining factors, often it seems the pains in my head come out of nowhere. Maybe my response is to create something of my own out of nowhere. To write, to film, to take pictures - something.
Maybe I just have a strange brain.