Loss and Life After

I woke up super early this morning. I've had a lot on my mind and my heart lately. I know some people going through some real hurt right now, but I've also seen some examples of real healing lately as well. All of that emotion, combined with thoughts of loved ones lost made it hard to fall asleep last night and hard to go back to sleep this morning.

I had one of those moments everyone has when they miss someone they've lost. Those moments where you're crippled, paralyzed, destroyed. Sometimes it's just a blip - seconds of a deep feeling of darkness - and sometimes the heavy weight on your shoulders sticks around a little longer.

I felt the weight a little heavier this morning. Didn't get out of bed though I couldn't sleep. Didn't run like I had planned. Didn't do anything to try to separate myself from the thoughts and emotions.

I just let them crush me for a little bit.

I find value in facing pain and hurt head on. The way I see it, you'll never know how to move past the shitty parts of life if you don't actively experience them. Hiding doesn't make them go away. Avoiding doesn't make them go away.

Eventually I got up and going for the day, in part because I listened to this song. I've found comfort in it as it describes so well my thoughts at times. I think the words describe the sentiment that many feel as so there's some comfort in community or something. I don't know. I like it and wanted to share. Lyrics are posted below the video.

Flowers cut and brought inside Black cars in a single line Your family in suits and ties And you're free

The ache I feel inside Is where the life has left your eyes I'm alone for our last goodbye But you're free

I remember you like yesterday, yesterday I still can't believe you're gone, oh... I remember you like yesterday, yesterday And until I'm with you, I'll carry on

Adrift on your ocean floor I feel weightless, numb, and sore A part of you in me is torn And you're free

I woke from a dream last night I dreamt that you were by my side Reminding me I still had life In me

I'll carry on

Every lament is a love song Yesterday, yesterday I still can't believe you're gone So long my friend, so long